“What is my passion?!”

How many times have you asked yourself that? Or simply wished you knew? Or remember one time knowing but not following through because you didn’t know how you could make a living doing it?

Over brekky this morning following our photoshoot for my new www.baringitall.ca website, I asked my photographer friend where he was at with his work.  

He mentioned he had recently taken a break from his photographry work but is now ready to dive back into projects he really cares about. When I asked him what those projects would look like he spoke about a project involving the elderly. I watched as his eyes lit up and his voice took on a deeper resonance. I knew instantly his passion was perculating.

I reminded him that the first time we met , which was ten years ago, he had spoken about the exact same project. ”Oh no!” he cried. ”Shoot me now!” He was slightly dismayed that he’d been speaking about the same idea for a decade and hadn’t done anything about it.

The thing is… he had forgotten. It took me reminding him for him to make the connection. 

He’s not the only one whose passion often lies exposed out in front of him. Day after day our passion waits outside our door like a commited puppy, waiting until we regain the sight and/or insight necessary to see it, walk outside to play with it and let it lead us out into the world. 

I believe many of us stare our passion and lifework in the face for so long that it becomes blurry. We often need to look away and sometimes even walk away to be able to see its form when we are ready to look back in its direction.  

This certainly happend to me.

When I was 28 I was working for a film & television production company in Calgary, Alberta. I loved being in this industry but I knew working in an office wasn’t the right fit for me. I looked out my window into a bleak winter day in January and asked myself “what would my dream job be?” It came rushing to me: to be a television host with the outdoor adventure show Lonely Planet!

What could possibly be better than traveling the world, meeting and celebrating those from different cultures, using my languages, writing and outdoor education background to explore foreign lands, mountains and rivers?

With that flash of insight, I enrolled my best friend, borrowed her parents 15 pound VHS home video camera and took off into the Rocky Mountains to film me yodling atop a snowy mountain peak. Following a request from the producers of the Lonely Planet to send them two more reels I gushed to my roommate that I would be moving to England in 2 months time. When the call finally came from the producers I was sadly informed that they had decided to find a European male to become their next host. A European I could fake, but with size C girls I knew I could never pull off being a man.  

Over the next 10 years I would drop EVERYTHING I was doing to make a reel if an opportunity arose. It didn’t matter if I was sick, had no extra cash or only 24 hours to meet a deadline, somehow I would always pull it off. I created so many reels I think nearly every one of my closest friends has tried their hands at being videographers.

I came close a number of times. Often I was the runner up and once I was even chosen to be a co-host for a new outdoor series with CHUM until they dropped the program before production ever started.

Just this past year I found myself purchasing a flip video camera for my journey to Australia. Everytime I jumped in front of the camera or interviewed someone I would feel a jolt of adrenaline and a surge of excitement and creativity flow through me.

Most importantly it was SO MUCH FUN! When I traveled to New Zealand for a visa renewal run I spent hours videoing my hikes and loved every minute of crossing a creek 5 times to get the shot since I had no videographer.

And this time it finally hit me: THIS is where my passion lies. As a television host. This time I see it; I own it; and I am taking charge to make it happen. 

I am now back in Canada and getting ready to launch my new Baring it All website in September 2009  (www.baringitall.ca) and the main component of this website is…. Baring It All television!

I am finally ready to follow my passion knowing in my heart it will be the best way I can serve the world.

So how can you reveal and reconnect with your passion?

Well here are a few tips:

1. Ask your close friends or family members if there is something you have always spoken about doing but never have. Look for consistent themes.

2. Look back over your life and see if you can find moments when an opportunity came up that you dropped everything for just to “give it a shot.” Whatever “it” was is a strong clue as to what makes your heart thump and your creativity surge.

3. If money and what you may call “responsiblities” weren’t an issue, what would you spend the next year doing?

4.  What do you do that finds time slipsping away and you could continue doing seemingly forever?

6. What is the most fun thing you have ever done?

7. What did you dream about doing or being when you were a child?

8. What did you love doing when you were a child? Or if you weren’t ever able to do it, what did you REALLY want to do?

Once you have explored these questions it’s time to play!

Take yourself on a date that will allow you to try this passion on for size.

If you loved music and always dreamed of being a musician, go see a live band. Or spend 10 minutes of quiet YOU time in a music store, on-line listening to new music or downloading music. Or take your old instrument out, blow off the dust and let your inner rockstar out! 

Have fun and if your passion isn’t popping out at you, it simply means you are already living it (you’ll know if you are full of vitality and inner calm) or you still need to be looking away and having other adventures that will prepare you for the reunion.

I am an extremely visual person. It’s important I remember that.

For my grade 12 biology test, I bought a massive sheet of paper. A friend and I layed down on top of the paper and traced each other’s bodies. We then spent hours sketching in the different body parts and using various colours to show the release of acids and the different systems (cirulation, reproduction, digestive etc…). When it came time for the exam, all I needed to do was close my eyes and revisit the map I’d drawn. Needless to say I aced the exam.

For years I forgot this. I now realize how vital it is to understand how each of us learns. I am an extremely visual and experiential learner. I need to take part in the learning and have a visual map of the experience.

For months now, I placed my new Baring it All business on a massive piece of paper and traced the contours of its purpose and vision. But I discovered I was unable to colour it in because I was too close to it. I then hired an amazing designer (www.avenuecreative.ca) who provided me with the necessary visual map I need. Based on my outline, he went beyond the obvious tongue and cheek notion of “Baring it All” to the heart of my company’s philosphy and process. I now have a logo and very soon a new website, that will serve not only my clients but myself.

You see, whenever I forget my place in the world, or I ask myself “what the heck am I doing” or need a reminder of why in the world I am doing what I’m doing – I can close my eyes and return to my visual map. It leads me back. It helps me find my path. Again and Again. Every time.

If you are asking yourself any of the above questions, chances are you may need help in colouring in your outline or possibly drawing a new outline. If you need help, I know someone who can help you. She’s been there before! I think you know who I’m referring to… she’s the one who still remembers her digestive acids.

Aye, yai, yai. It has been MONTHS since my last blog. Reason – my last blog attempt I was trying to imbed a youtube video and a photo and kept failing. The system crashed twice and alas, I finally got so frustrated I threw in the towel.

So what does one do when you stop the blog? I have an answer: snog.

For my N. American friends that would be kissing. Making out. Tasting lips. Teasing tongues. There’s something exciting about snogging a new person. The mystery of what it will feel like or taste like stirs in the air between expectant lips. Will the feeling linger when it’s over? Was something more exchanged in that moment than simply lips pressed into lips?

The snog has rejevenated me. I’m able to return to the mystery of what I may write on the page and what the page draws out of me. As for whether my blog will linger in your mind after you’ve read it,  I don’t know. But without pressing lips together, or at least letters against the screen, we’ll never know.

The taste of lips is certainly more inspiring than the taste of disappointment or frustration. So next time you find yourself wanting to throw in the towel maybe all you need to do is lean into that mystery between you and kissable lips, and lose yourself in the moment.

And no matter what happens your snog will ensure you now have something to blog about it!

And who was I snogging? I knew you would ask. But I don’t kiss and tell so don’t bother asking again!

Happy snogging… I mean blogging… well both!

“You are a sunflower. You shrink back home in Canada. Here you are BIG. You are above us (high in the sky is my interpretation) sharing your sunshine with all of us below.” These words from a 31 year old woman I met for the first time tonight at the local Toastmasters Club. Her name is Jane.

 

Jane continued: “If you want to hear the image I have of you back home in Canada it’s of you sinking. Pushing out. Smaller. But here you are FREE. BIG!”

 

I couldn’t believe it. A stranger I had never spoken with before had a vision that almost matched my own when I thought about going home to Vancouver when my visa expires. Although I love my little place near the ocean on the west coast of British Columbia; although I have an unbelievable group of friends around me there; although my speaking profession found me at long last progressing from dreamer to first time keynote speaker; although my family is only an hour flight away; although I am in love with the mountains, the ocean and the seasons… the image that comes up for me about home is a smaller me in a box trying to push out.

 

But the Cindy here in Australia, the Cindy I saw in Oz before I even left Canada was BIG. FREE. Expansive. Powerful even. Playful. Bright eyed.

 

This was the image I had. My coach Dianne saw it. My friends heard it in my voice and spotted it in my eyes and the lengthening of my body whenever I spoke about Australia. And now a new friend, a stranger only 2 hrs ago, has seen it too.

 

Not only do I feel my soul is more alive here in Australia, but my singing voice is gaining strength and regaining its ability that was stripped when I was head of PR for the Sheldon Kennedy Skate across Canada. What does that have to do with anything?

 

I’m big on voice.

 

I believe our voices are indicators of our connection with ourselves and with our purpose. When my voice was weak and my singing voice lost, I was under enormous stress. I was confused. Lost. Scared.

 

When I don’t trust my own stories and experiences my voice becomes soft, thin, then voiceless. When I care too much what others think, I don’t finish my sentences deeming others aren’t interested.

 

I have already spoken about ensuring our own voice is louder than other people’s voices (http://au.youtube.com/watch?v=p3ExZkZvbhY ) and here I am following the strength, tone and vitality in my voice to point me towards a potential new home.

 

Am I crazy? Well of course I am… to a point. How boring if I wasn’t a wee tad nutso! Against all odds (money, visas, relationship, a place to call home) I’m going to follow this voice. This voice that is strong and pure against all reason.

 

Crazy or not, Cindy still feels the land of Australia calling. And in my own voice I’m calling back. I am here. I am here. For now and for however long I am meant to be here, I am here.

Who would we be if we got a little more naked… with ourselves and with others?

Transparency. An interesting word to read. It slips off the tongue nicely. The mind on the other hand finds this a threatening word…  who would I be without my stories, my roles, my work, my routine?

And the body? Mmmmm… the body is liking this word. It imagines extra weight slipping off its frame leaving a lightness of breath. Off slides the weight of expectations. The past. The future. Chunks of fat,  decayed thinking and a buildup of emotional diseases fall away. 

And what’s left… hopefully a naked body with nowhere to be but where it is.

Welcome to my continuing journey of Baring It All!

Come join me…  just know you will eventually get naked. Looking forward to skinny dipping with you soon!